A change of pace? .. some random thoughts.

Life right now is definitely not how I imagined it would be... things are the crappiest they have ever been.... and also quite magical in a simple sense ..both at the same time.

 
If you had said to me a few years ago that we would no longer be able to travel... that planning anything would be near impossible...  and that our population would be divided over medical views I would have argued that Australians are not like that.... and yet here we are.

I am a Cancerian ... a homebody who dislikes conflict .. I thrive in comfort zones and routines. I have also discovered I am not a pushover when it comes to my values and beliefs and when the going gets tough I retreat into the safety of my shell. 

I crumbled a bit this year ... probably not entirely unexpected after multiple surgeries to recover breast implant silicone deposits (thanks to a now ever present breast implant associated lymphoma risk) ..  and a shoulder injury that impacted my sleep and daily function. I soldiered on at work long past the day I should have stopped .. I was a misery to be around and regret that I impacted the relationships around me. I would have continued to spiral into a complete breakdown is it hadn't been for my Ops Manager who drew the line... sent me home and told me to get my shoulder sorted.

I finally had some scans ..  began some physio .. and had shoulder repair surgery.  I am at now at the rehab stage .. working on getting this shoulder to function painlessly again. I like this stage.... it feels like finally I'm progressing toward being 100% again.
I've also spent the last 6 months pottering in the garden and at home .. trying to re-balance my stress levels .. reduce my cortisol levels and get my head sorted. At times I have felt like I am wasting my life... I've had months on end with limited ability to do anything which for a 'do-er' has been hard. I like to think though .. that maybe that's just what I needed .. a chance to reflect on what's actually important in life and what I want to do from here. 

I still don't have the answers... but for the most part I am happy taking it a day at a time .. praying that when the time comes I will know instinctively which choice to make.

Phew... what a long winded story to basically say I've been AWOL in my cancerian shell.... healing my shoulder and stress levels... and being a bad family member and a rotten absent friend. But as they say.... the show goes on......

So here are a few things I have been doing ok at.....

• My garden has been lovely and productive... I have dehydrated jars upon jars of herbs and lots of chamomile for tea.
  
  
• The tomatoes have started rolling in so I have my first batches of preserves made.... a tomato pasta sauce...and a tomato chutney using a Sally Wise recipe.
  
  
• I have added to my raised garden bed collection - adding 4 more beds taking my total to 9 
  
  
• I also boosted my heirloom seed collection with a couple of purchases from Happy Valley Seeds .. I likened it to browsing a lolly shop as a kid. I just couldn't stop.... I wanted one of everything. 
  
  
• I also dragged out some fabric and patterns last week and made a couple of simple crop tops... I can feel my desire to be crafty again returning. 
  
  
• Goosness knows if I can keep it up.... but I actually feel inclined to write this Blog again.