Life right now is definitely not how I imagined it would be... things are the crappiest they have ever been.... and also quite magical in a simple sense ..both at the same time.
If you had said to me a few years ago that we would no longer be able to travel... that planning anything would be near impossible... and that our population would be divided over medical views I would have argued that Australians are not like that.... and yet here we are.
I am a Cancerian ... a homebody who dislikes conflict .. I thrive in comfort zones and routines. I have also discovered I am not a pushover when it comes to my values and beliefs and when the going gets tough I retreat into the safety of my shell.
I crumbled a bit this year ... probably not entirely unexpected after multiple surgeries to recover breast implant silicone deposits (thanks to a now ever present breast implant associated lymphoma risk) .. and a shoulder injury that impacted my sleep and daily function. I soldiered on at work long past the day I should have stopped .. I was a misery to be around and regret that I impacted the relationships around me. I would have continued to spiral into a complete breakdown is it hadn't been for my Ops Manager who drew the line... sent me home and told me to get my shoulder sorted.
I finally had some scans .. began some physio .. and had shoulder repair surgery. I am at now at the rehab stage .. working on getting this shoulder to function painlessly again. I like this stage.... it feels like finally I'm progressing toward being 100% again.
I've also spent the last 6 months pottering in the garden and at home .. trying to re-balance my stress levels .. reduce my cortisol levels and get my head sorted. At times I have felt like I am wasting my life... I've had months on end with limited ability to do anything which for a 'do-er' has been hard. I like to think though .. that maybe that's just what I needed .. a chance to reflect on what's actually important in life and what I want to do from here.
I still don't have the answers... but for the most part I am happy taking it a day at a time .. praying that when the time comes I will know instinctively which choice to make.
Phew... what a long winded story to basically say I've been AWOL in my cancerian shell.... healing my shoulder and stress levels... and being a bad family member and a rotten absent friend. But as they say.... the show goes on......
So here are a few things I have been doing ok at.....
- My garden has been lovely and productive... I have dehydrated jars upon jars of herbs and lots of chamomile for tea.
- The tomatoes have started rolling in so I have my first batches of preserves made.... a tomato pasta sauce...and a tomato chutney using a Sally Wise recipe.
- I have added to my raised garden bed collection - adding 4 more beds taking my total to 9
- I also boosted my heirloom seed collection with a couple of purchases from Happy Valley Seeds .. I likened it to browsing a lolly shop as a kid. I just couldn't stop.... I wanted one of everything.
- I also dragged out some fabric and patterns last week and made a couple of simple crop tops... I can feel my desire to be crafty again returning.
- Goosness knows if I can keep it up.... but I actually feel inclined to write this Blog again.
Hope your shoulder is on the mend soon although your garden produce looks amazing and who couldn't love those jars of preserves. Have a Safe and Happy Christmas. Kathy A, Brisbane
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